So, I started my day off a little differently than I thought I might. I pretty much helped change a diaper - of a man in his eighties. Yeah, not what I woke up counting on. But it was one of those events that instantly add perspective and teaches you all kinds of truths that you never knew.
I have seen how some care for older family members. I have been aware of my family caring for my grandaddy. I even thought that I had 'helped' some. But today, today I found myself right in the middle of it. I had a choice - be okay with it and do what needed to be done with an upbeat spirit that could encourage him or let myself be grossed out and end up belittling him. I would like to be self-righteous and say that I had no doubt how I would naturally react and it would be correct. If I am being honest, I can't say that. I had no idea what to expect from myself. That is not where you want to be on a day like today.
My grandaddy has always been such a great man. He has lived an adventurous life that has given him much to be proud of. He is the greatest story teller I have ever met. And he loves me - really loves me. I hate what Alzheimer's has done to him. H.A.T.E.
But, God used my granny to tender my heart to how to react with her gentle hands and her continued loving touch. Her love for him was a verb right in front of my eyes today.
It made it easy for me to slip right in line behind her and act loving. Not just in word and deed, but in spirit. That is the thing I learned today. Love can be admired in others, talked about with fancy terminology, faked without your heart in it, or it can be something we open our hearts to and give the power to change who we are. It can take a self-centered girl and allow her to overflow love onto someone who she has cared for her whole life. It can be a verb. Not a thing I can exhibit, a thing I can relent control to. It works on its own; with no need of my ability, just my willingness to relinquish control to it.
Today I felt, even for just a little while, how powerful love can be. I appreciated Christ's ability to love through humans in a whole new way. I came to love my grandaddy even more than before. I have always counted it a privilege to truly know and love him. So many people of my generation view grandparents as figures they are forced to visit on Holidays, that smell badly, and can't drive. I have never felt that way. I have always been invested.
Tonight I have a grateful heart that I was able to take that investment and watch it pay back dividends in my life and in the way Christ is growing me.
I don't kid myself about the path my family is walking. Today I decided - I'm all in! I can only pray God will continue to use me and grow me into a person worthy of my grandaddy's legacy!
2 comments:
This was by far your best post ever. I felt the same way about my grandfather as did Chris about his. I write to you now, tears streaming down my face, because we would both give our right arms if our Paw-Paw and Spec could meet Gage, tell him stories, and love him and hug him tight. I wouldn't even mind changing his diaper- if for just one second- he could see his little grandson! Treasure those moments Meggie- they will be gone before you know it!
love you girl!
Thank you for so beautifully describing Love. You took me right back into the time when my dad was ill, and to times when my mom was. Dad has been gone 8 years, Mom only one. I was privileged to be able to give back to them a small portion of all the love that they gave me and my brothers. I've spent only one evening with your grandparents. Gary and Vickie took me there to meet them. That, too, was a privilege. You are on the right path. Stick to it.
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