Going back to school has been hard. Not just on me, but on my entire famiy. More times than I care to admit, I have been so jealous of friends who have already begun establishing their careers and work and go home every night. The knowledge that the sacrifices that are being made now will allow me to do what I love and have dreamt of since I was a little girl, has been enough to endure whatever inconvenience and to push myself to move quickly and do well.
Taking the Summer off has been a nice break and a frustrating sense of losing time. I think mostly because I am so anxious to be done with this phase. It also gave me time to read the book Shepherding Your Childs Heart. I have been so convicted because it seems that there are so many changes that we need to make as a family and with my schedule including working and school = there are simply not enough hours in a day.
A few weeks ago I recieved some very hard news. The admissions office at GCSU made a mistake and I will not be able to start there until after the first of the year. This has been a devastating blow because I have worked so hard to get ahead. I have researched, and spent money on attempting to take online classes and doors keep slamming in my face. I am in a huge struggle between perserverance and determination and learning to have peace in God's plan. For me the line has been gray.
I am still not at peace with any of it. But God reminded me just the other day of my frustration with the state of my family and how many things I want to be better at. It was the first glimmer of hope I have had that God had a plan. It is easy to say that when you can see things working together for good, but when you can't find Him it is a whole different story. I know God has a plan. I just can't see it and I am terrified of stepping away from it because of laziness or fear or just ignorance.
Six months is a long time. Lots of things can happen in six months:
*You can lose 20 pounds
*You can gain 20 pounds
*You can repaint an entire house
*You can complete an entire semester abroad
*You can learn a foreign language
*You can complete massage school
*You can learn to cook
And for me hopefully you can..... learn to trust God even when you can't see Him cearly, learn to guide my children to love God and have a desire to please him, get my personal life and spiritual life in order, pause to enjoy the things around me, and most importantly ~ find peace!!!!
2 comments:
Oh,Megan...I so feel you on this one! It is hard to see the big picture when God's only giving you glimpses. Hang in there and keep your trust in Him! Concentrate on your family and love on those girls. God knows what we need before we do!
With God there is no coincidence. It's all part of a bigger plan.
The same thing happened to me when I was in my masters program. taking 6 months off was not part of the plan for me, but in hindsight, it saved my marriage and restored my realationship with my kids. It gave me a much needed pause to gather enough strength to finish strong. Prayers for you!
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